Alright there you bunch of nutta’s,

I hope all of you wet blankets have got your dry january over and done with and got back into the real world, get on the beers son!

So I only got asked to go and perform at The Sochi Winter Olympics opening ceremony. I was in email talks with this fit Russian woman, and then she flew over to meet me I stopped her as soon as she came into the office and said “look darlin’, firstly I hate leaving london, let alone the UK. Secondly I aint doing any dancing or flowery bollocks, thirdly how much you offering again?” When she said she could only offer around 100 plus flights and accommodation I nearly fell off my small cab office stool. I told her to fuckin’ do one you’re ‘avin a laugh…

Annoyingly I read her email proposal again and she meant 100k not £100. Tried to tell the Russian woman that I was keen, but she already gone ‘n spent the budget on some other mug.

Let that be a lesson, always read the small print kids.