Hello there LazyTalkers you bunch of ‘orrible creatures. Just wanted to chat about the nominees for that boring party they call the Brit Awards – which by the way I will be attending. Suited and booted, little after party on a boat, and the band on the boat will be a group called Chic. Who cares, normal? This is nothing.

Heres my predictions and hopes innit:

  • Best Producer – Got to be Paul Epworth for me, he does Adeles stuff and shes mint.
  • British Breakthrough Act – Go on London Grammer, I would say Disclousure but reckon they’ve already broken alot of bits and bobs.
  • International Solo Female Artist – Who cares, I thought it was the ‘Brits’ as in BRITish
  • International Group – Same rule applies mate, but I think if I was pushed to choose, like reaaally pushed I think Daft Punk will take it.
  • British Femal Solo Artist – I like Laura Marling, shes a lovley girl with a heart of gold, deserves everthing that comes her way, she wont fuckin’ win it though.
  • British Group – Rudimental all the way! I kick about with them sometimes so I know they can make fuckin’ big tunes and party like 1984.
  • International Solo Male Artist – Nah.
  • Bristish Male Solo Artist – Give it to David Bowie. I fucking dare you, you square.
  • Bristish Single – Rudimental boys.
  • Mastercard Album of the year – I gotta say Rudimental again. But if they lose I dont mind seeing it go to Artic Monkeys. Those lads are gents, used to kick around with the drummer up north smoking pippys and drinking lightning.

Gotta dash, theres been a pile up on the A40 and people need cabs.